Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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