I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize