ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
