So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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