i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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