I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
