dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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