please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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