She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
