awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
