I will die if light touches me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
