If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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