Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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