oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
