I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
