i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
