I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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