her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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