I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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