why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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