Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ladies don't puke and tell
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
