Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
