I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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