Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
did i walk over a car last night?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just gargled with NyQuil
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
