How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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