i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
