i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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