there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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