1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
