Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Come on in and take your pants off
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