Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
