i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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