someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
