great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
