He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
