ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
