She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize