He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
