I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
