There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
