Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
