this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
