Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
