i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
