I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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