I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
