I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
