I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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