DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
