i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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