theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
