She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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