You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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