Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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