Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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