I just pynch a tree in the face
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
