Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
