i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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