Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
