The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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