oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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