my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
