I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
