First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
