Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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