I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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