My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
