my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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