And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As shirtless as possible
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
