He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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