It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
