I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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