I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
