so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize