you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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