just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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