do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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