I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
