the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dignity is for republicans.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
