sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry about my life...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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