you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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