So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
