Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
