I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize