Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
