the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
third nipple confirmed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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