i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
