Sry I called you an 8
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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