Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
