I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
