Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
