In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize