someone owes me an orgasm
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize