Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
