i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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