i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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