Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
