The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
