I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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