6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
