yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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