dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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