i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
