I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
