Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize