just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
