also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
