So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
