Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
