Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
