this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
