i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
