Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
