youre lurking in front of me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
