Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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